How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
