i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
