new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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