So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
