everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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