I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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