I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
