Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
