I hate your face
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
