My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
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