why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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