i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
My breasts were aching with rage.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Randomize
