My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
