Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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