Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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