Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize