I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
