He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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