shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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