Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
