Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
