that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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