so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
