So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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