I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
i think i just naturally attract stoners
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
