your parents love me but you hate me
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Randomize
