Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
