I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Shame is for Republicans.
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