Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize