It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize