I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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