If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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