I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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