God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
