It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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