We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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