i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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