i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
