K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
