Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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