I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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