1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
