Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
