You're earring is so big in my mouth
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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