She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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