i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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