i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
