you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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