If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
