Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
so explain again why im purple
no
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
