Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
