You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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