She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
