im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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