sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
