Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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