You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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