Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
