4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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