I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
my being single is dangerous.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
