drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize