I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
