what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
