dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
