But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
