you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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