shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
