Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
