I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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