Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
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