Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
