i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
