I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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