ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
