I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize