come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
