I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
