Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I need to sanitize my soul.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
