ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Is it penis luge time yet?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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