I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
