she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
So here I am, sexting at work.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
