Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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