I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
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