We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize