I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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