There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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