I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
