You really coming over, don't trick.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
