she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Oh god it's open bar.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize