There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
