Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
