as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
