So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
