so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Randomize
