he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
last night I used snow as a chaser
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